I worked a little harder today, focusing on the solution of the Carnahan Starling formula. I have been working on it since like ages ago and eventually, the solutions are still way too far from what I wanted.
I kept on working on it to the extent that I really can't stand it anymore. I suddenly went out from the room, without concentrating on where my legs brought me, I ended up crying at the pond somewhere around uni. I cried, cried, and cried. For all my never ending difficulties.
It's really frustrating when you put all your efforts in doing something, but the results turned out to be the other way around. People say if you put your energy into something, you can actually make it happen. Somehow it didn't. Why? The question kept on lingered.
After about ten minutes of staring at nothing, then I heard my heart says, turn to Allah. Yes, I need to turn to Him. Now I feel so down, hopeless, lost in finding my way out of this terrible situation, and today is just like an awful day for me, then I realized that nobody would ever understand, except for Him.
So I went back to my office, performed my Zuhur prayer, then I sat down and think about the definition of success. It means a refusal to be beaten by failure. Then what brings about progress? A determination not to stand still. And for my case, success might not there yet, but at least, the progress is on it's way.
I need to bear in mind that this is all about a journey of learning on how to do a research. You got to learn A LOT before you can actually reach it's end. So whenever I feel that everything is going wrong, it is just Allah's way, to make my spirit strong. InsyaAllah.